Remembered

After my dad died, I remembered reading this a few years ago. It stuck out to me at the time when I read it and was the main section of the book that I learned from. Our memories definitely play an important role in our lives.

"A pleasure is full grown only when it is remembered. You are speaking, Hman, as if the pleasure were one thing and the memory another. It is all one thing. The seroni could say it better than I say it now. Not better than I could say it in a poem. What you call remembering is the last part of the pleasure, as the crah is the last part of a poem. When you and I met, the meeting was over very shortly, it was nothing. Now it is growing something as we remember it. But still we know very little about it. What it will be when I remember it as I lie down to die, what it makes in me all my days till then - that is the real meeting. The other is only the beginning of it. You say you have poets in your world. Do they not teach you this?"
"Perhaps some of them do," said Ransom. "But even in a poem does a hross never long to hear one splendid line over again?"
...
"the poem is a good example. For the most splendid line becomes fully splendid only by means of all the lines after it; if you went back to it you would find it less splendid than you thought. You would kill it. I mean in a good poem."
...
"Undoubtedly," he said. "Maleldil made us so. How could there ever be enough to eat if everyone had twenty young? And how could we endure to live and let time pass if we were always crying for one day or one year to come back - if we did not know that every day in a life fills the whole life with expectation and memory and that these are that day?"

- C.S. Lewis Out of the Silent Planet

Divorce

A few days ago I bought the book, The Great Divorce, by C.S. Lewis. I read most of it last night and finished it. I couldn't put it down. I don't know how he came up with the images he wrote about in general. Not just this book, but his science fiction series. The man was extremely creative.
What struck me about the book, which I'm assuming would strike anyone since it's what the book is about, are the various things that keep us from desiring God and real joy. It's amazing thinking about the things that we struggle to hold on to. He was making the point that we have to divorce ourselves from the world and all worldly desires COMPLETELY. It reminds me of Jim Elliot's quote, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." I'd recommend reading it. The book is very helpful.
It seems for a bit that Lewis believes in Purgatory but if you read further he seems to go away from that idea. In the preface to the book he says that he is in no way suggesting that what he writes describes what Heaven and Hell will truly be like. It's a man's dream.
Now usually I don't like to get too too personal on my blog. But I feel like the following might be a bit helpful to some people. (Not that most reading this haven't probably thought of this before.) C.S. Lewis brought up many things that we see as the ends in life instead of the means to what our true end should be. Things that may not be considered sinful things or sinful desires are sinful if they are the "end" to you. Our true end is Christ. "To live is Christ."
One of the things I desire most for my own future on earth is to be married and have a family. I have never been a huge career person. I was pleasantly surprised to find that I love Kindergarten, but I could still give it up tomorrow. Now this is not a bad desire in itself, but if I start viewing it as the end, the goal in life, it will be to my detriment. It will kill my affections for Christ. Marriage can be a wonderful means to our true end. Giving glory to God. Most Christians that I talk to that are married say it's one of the most sanctifying relationships on earth. I believe that a man and woman should only get married if they know that together they can help each other to love and serve God better than being apart. It just scared me to think that I could want anything else more than Christ. Something temporal, nonetheless. Anyway, just something I've been thinking about.

Caspian and Tumnus

Ever since I started college I really wanted to get some turtles. At school I really missed having a pet around, and I kind of liked the idea of having my own little pet. When someone told me that we could have small turtles in the dorms I was overjoyed. I started planning for pet turtles immediately. First I had to convince my roommate that the smell probably wouldn't be that bad, then I had to ask my R.D. for permission, finally I had to get a tank, and of course, the turtle. But alas! It seemed the world was against me! No pet stores in the greater Santa Clarita Valley sold the turtles that I was looking for. Besides that fact, my roommate didn't like the idea anyway. My hopes were dashed and I assumed that my chances of owning a turtle were over.
Well, last summer I was over at my friend's apartment and two of her roommates had some turtles. I was admiring them one night and one of her roommates asked if I would like to have her two turtles because she had been trying to give them away! She happened upon just the right person! I called my parents and they graciously agreed to let me bring home the turtles! My dream had come true!
Well, after some serious thinking, I decided to name them Caspian and Tumnus. I love the Chronicles of Narnia series, and even though Prince Caspian and Mr. Tumnus weren't technically friends with each other in the books, they were good friends in general with pretty much anyone they met.
The turtles did well for awhile, but soon they started becoming very lethargic. I had read that turtles need a UV light attached to their tank, but I didn't really believe it was necessary. Caspian and Tumnus always used to get excited when I even took out their food, but when they went a week or so without eating anything, I knew something was wrong. I bought a light and within a couple of days they were new turtles.
I seriously never imagined that two little turtles could be so entertaining! They are so hilarious. One of their favorite things to do is bask in the light and I commonly find them in the position that you see below.

I'll often find them with one of their back legs and one of their front legs stuck out like they are surfing. Once I found Caspian (the smaller one) facing the other direction on top of Tumnus with all of his legs sticking out in the air. It looked like he was trying a balancing act.

They have completely different personalitites too. Caspian is feisty, Tumnus is a little slow moving unless there is food; than he goes crazy! I have to hold a piece of food on either side of the tank and wait until they are separated, than I drop Caspian's food in first while I have to tease Tumnus with his food for awhile distracting him from Caspian's food. Caspian takes forever to eat his piece and if I dropped them both in at once, Tumnus would eat his and then go steal Caspian's. He eats his food in one gulp. If he misses the piece he bumps his nose on the glass. And if you keep moving your finger along the water line on the outside of the tank, they'll follow it and try to bite your finger. It's so cute to see their little pink tongues.

One day (before I started separating them during feeding time) I dropped one long pellet in and Caspian bit one end, then Tumnus came over and grabbed the other end with his mouth and they had a little game of tug of war pulling back and forth. It was so funny.

The last thing I'll say is about Tumnus. Late at night, after feeding time, Tumnus does his nightly ritual. He blows bubbles onto the surface of the water and then eats them. It is really strange, but, what can I say? They are weird turtles, but I love them. :0)

Finally!

So, it has been a loooong time since I have put anything on here. A reflection of how crazy this semester has been so far. It's not so much that I have a ton more work, there is just less time to do the work that I now have. Anyway, over all, I have really enjoyed student teaching. Way more than I ever thought I would.

I was reading C.S. Lewis' book, Perelandra, right before I started student teaching and I read something in there that almost perfectly described how I felt about student teaching at the time. It says, "The thing still seemed impossible. But gradually something happened to him which had happened to him only twice before in his life. It had happened once while he was trying to make up his mind to do a very dangerous job in the last war. It had happened again while he was screwing his resolution to go and see a certain man in London and make to him an excessively embarrassing confession which justice demanded. In both cases the thing had seemed a sheer impossibilty: he had not thought but known that, being what he was, he was psychologically incapable of doing it; and then, without any apparent movement of the will, as objective and unemotional as the reading on a dial, there had arisen before him, with perfect certitude, the knowledge 'about this time tomorrow you will have done the impossible.' The same thing happened now. His fear, his shame, his love, all his arguments, were not altered in the least. The thing was neither more nor less dreadful than it had been before. The only difference was that he knew - almost as a historical proposition - that it was going to be done. He might beg, weep, or rebel - might curse or adore - sing like a martyr or blaspheme like a devil. It made not the slightest difference. The thing was going to be done. There was going to arrive, in the course of time, a moment at which he would have done it. The future act stood there, fixed and unaltered as if he had already performed it. It was a mere irrelevant detail that it happened to occupy the postition we call future instead of that which we call past. The whole struggle was over, and yet there seemed to have been no moment of victory...No sooner had he discovered that he would certainly try to kill the Un-man to-morrow than the doing of it appeared to him a smaller matter than he had supposed."

I'm starting to realize that I think it's kind of impossible to become very godly if we are never willing to get out of our comfort zones. One of my biggest struggles in life has been the fear of man, and the thought of having to get up and teach in front of a group of strangers, another teacher, and, once a week, a supervisor, absolutely terrified me. But I thought, somehow, I will most likely get through it. And now there is only a week left of my first assignment and it wasn't that bad at all. God truly helped me get through it and even greatly enjoy it! I had a wonderful teacher to learn from and a great class and now I am really sad to leave! The kids in the class are really sweet and some of them are so hilarious. There is this one kid who kind of reminds me of a little Taylor Hicks. Anyway, we kind of joke around sometimes and it's gotten to the point where he's a bit sassy with me. In class on Friday I can't remember what he said to me, but I was like, "Excuse me?" And he said, "What? You make fun of me, so now I'm getting back at you." Then I told him that you don't get to get back at the teacher. That's the privilege of being the teacher. Anyway, it was kind of funny, but I'm a bit worried that I'm not strict enough. I really try, I think it's kind of hard because I feel too young to be a teacher and the kids think I look too young to be a teacher also! Oh well! Now I'll see how first grade goes.

All in all, God has just been showing me how faithful and gracious He is, even when I am so unfaithful. I am so thankful that I have hope in Him!