On Becoming a Wife (Lessons I've Learned from my Husband)

You can hope and dream and pray and think (a little song is coming to mind) but I just don't think you can prepare enough for marriage.  There is something about being in the actual trenches that teaches you what you really need to know.  It reminds me of my days in the teaching credential program.  We learned lots of techniques and theories and they were all great and helpful.  But I had no idea what teaching was really like until I was up in front of that classroom with live children who all had real hearts and minds and...well...ants in their pants!  (You know what I mean.)

What I could not have anticipated was how much my husband would help me become a wife.  I'm not trying to diminish anything from my mom or other faithful women in my life.  Of course I learned much from their counsel and wisdom and still do.  But what can I say?  I married well, and I couldn't have imagined all that was in store for me just by marrying Kwacha.  

So over the next few weeks I'm going to cover a different skill or trait or whatever you want to call it that has started to improve in my life because of Kwacha.  Ultimately because of God since He works in Kwacha and in me and He gave Kwacha to me.  

The topics I will cover:

(Some are obviously more vital than others and the list below is in no particular order.)

1. Cleaning
2. Time Management
3. Discipline (Working Out and Eating Healthy)
4. Appearance
5. Getting Enough Sleep
6. Raising a Child
7. Cooking
8. Scheduling
9. Forgiveness
10. Love

So stay tuned.  If I have time during Shirley's next nap, I may post one today.  
Just a little p.s.  I am in no way trying to say that I am a great example in these areas or that I have learned all there is to know.  I mean, this should be obvious without me having to state it.  I just want to be helpful in the very few small things I have learned in my short time of being a wife.  

Thanks for reading! 

Just Three Things

At the young, tender age of five I knew that I wanted to get married and have kids one day.  I pretty much always had a "crush" after that.  So I did not think that dating and everything that comes along with it would be so difficult and confusing, as I've written about previously.

Nothing that I am now going to say will be new to you most likely, but I still hope it will be helpful.  Just because I'm married doesn't mean I have all the answers now, but it has given me a fresh perspective on what really matters.

Obviously it's important to marry someone you can have fun with!  This is a random stranger that decided to jump in the picture with us.  ;)

There are many things that I thought were SO important to look for in a potential spouse when I was still single.  But being married, I now realize that there are really only a few basic things that are really needful.  

1. A sincere love for God.

I know, I know this one is obvious, but how often have you thought, "Well he's a Christian so that's good enough."  Does he truly live out what he says he believes?  Does he lead you in meaningful conversations about the Lord, and not just because he should, but because he loves talking about Him?  Does his example encourage you to grow in your love for God as well?  

Kwacha's love for God was and is a daily example for me.

Before I was married I said that the top two things I was looking for in a guy were a love for God and a sense of humor.  Yes a love for God was important to me, but if I was honest, the sense of humor deal was really at the top of the list.  Because of that I almost let Kwacha go.  Big mistake!  For one thing, he IS funny.  Maybe a different funny than what I originally was looking for, but honestly he makes me laugh all the time.  The second thing is (and a few people told me this while Kwacha and I were dating) that you and your husband's senses of humor grow together so much.  It's weird but true!  The third thing is, it's just not that important.  When you face a big trial in life, say you lose a baby or a job or a home, are you going to want a husband who reminds you to trust God or someone who can make a whole room bust up in laughter?

And yes I know the two do not have to be mutually exclusive, but which one is MORE important?  Don't just write a guy off because he may not like The Office.  

On our honeymoon.  The forest above Palm Springs.

2. Humility and leadership.

I know those are two things but I put them together because they go hand in hand.  Kwacha is a joy to follow because he is humble.

I always thought I wanted to marry a really confident guy full of swagger and charm.  But hey guess what, the Bible says that charm is deceitful!  And really, it is.  Do you want to marry a guy who's charming now only to find out later that he's...not so charming?  Like maybe all he does when he's home is watch TV and play video games.  I'll tell you what's charming to me now; a husband who helps me chop veggies and clean dishes and change dirty diapers.  A husband who gets home and gives me a kiss and cuddles our little girl and talks to me about his day, willingly!  A husband who likes to go on walks and eat pizza at Topper's because it's affordable.  A husband who corrects me when I sin in the most gentle and encouraging way.  And Kwacha is confident in a humble way.  He knows he's a sinner saved by grace and loved and chosen by God.  And he would probably be upset to know that I'm writing all this stuff about him publicly!

The last day of our honeymoon.

3. Love for others.

I don't know why this wasn't something I thought about much before I was married, but it is so nice to be married to someone who loves my family and friends so much.  When I was first dating Kwacha, I mean like after the first date, I got a little worried one Sunday night that maybe he didn't really like me all that much because I thought he spent the night talking to my sister and friend more than me!  But it's just because he was genuinely interested in them as well.  He wanted to get to know my family and friends.  He even had my cousin, Jeremy, be one of the groomsmen in our wedding.  I love that he enjoys spending time with them!

Up in the Sequoias.

Nerds.

Um, P.S. I'm pregnant with Shirley in this picture.

And that's about it, folks.  That's my new list, looking back.  There are other things that are important.  I'd say that you should definitely be attracted to your husband.  I think you should have some similar interests.  But again, these things grow SO MUCH once you're married to a good one.  If you found a guy with those things I mentioned above, you're going to find yourself more and more attracted to him and when you spend a lot of time together many of his interests will magically become yours too.  I never thought I would enjoy watching soccer, of all things!

Please don't let superficial things bug you when you're dating!  Please please PLEASE!  If you find his laugh a little weird, or you're just not sure about that hair of his or maybe he's just a little shorter than what you imagined...some of those things are going to become your favorite things about him, if you let them.  I'm not kidding!

Besides what makes you so deserving of the perfect man?  So much of that stuff is just so selfish!

I've had nightmares in which I turned Kwacha down and regretted it so much!  I can't imagine my life without him now.

Please don't write a good guy off!

Baby Dreams...or Nightmares

You have heard of those who have a "fear of commitment."  Growing up I never thought I would be one of those people.  Ever since I was four years old (yep, I started young) I wanted to get married someday and be a mom.  It wasn't until I was in college that I first started dating (not that I went on a ton of dates, mind you) that I realized the truth.  I was afraid of commitment.  Mostly because I wanted to marry the "perfect man."
You know what?  There is no perfect man.  I know you know that.  But it's really hard to convince yourself of that when you're single.  

***A quick side note.  Even though you shouldn't be looking for the perfect man, it's still okay to be somewhat "picky".  As long as it's a godly pickiness and not a petty pickiness.  You know what I mean?  Here is a quote from JM that I find particulary helpful in this area:

"You see, the disciples missed the point like so many people today miss the point. I mean, you ought to rush to get in a lifelong relationship. But I'll tell you, they were right in this regard; you don't want to get in it with the wrong person, right? So, when you make that move, you better be sure you're looking for character and you better be sure you're looking for spiritual values and you better be sure you're getting involved with someone whose spiritual commitments are as deep and as far and as wide as yours are. And if you don't know that yet, then you better slow the process down. Or, otherwise, you may spend your whole life, one person trying to keep a relationship together. And that's tough ... that's very tough. So, on the one hand, I say find someone with like precious faith and like values who loves Jesus Christ and has a life goal the same asyou do and look, if God might not bring you together, but on the other hand, if you find someone you want to marry real fast and they don't have those values, you better back off. Marriage is a sacred thing. And it is the greatest gift that God could ever give. I can only tell you that from my own experience as you can from yours. That when you have two people who love Jesus Christ and love each other and live a life together under God's leading and direction and in the power of the Spirit, it gets so good sometimes you have to pinch yourself to think it's real. And that's as God intended it."  ***

Even when I met Kwacha I was still a bit commitment-phobic.  I knew he was different.  By the third date I thought "maybe he's the one", because he has amazing character and integrity along with a lot of other great things.  But I didn't know if we shared a similar enough sense of humor.  I was worried that we didn't have enough extracurricular interests in common.  I just wasn't sure!  But THANKFULLY I said "yes" when he asked me to marry him.  I am so so happy that I did. 

Anyway, all that to say, I have now had two nightmares along this line.  In the first dream we weren't married yet and I had just broken things off with him (just in the dream...we never broke things off in real life).  I was engaged to be married to someone that I had dated before that I definitely wasn't interested in and I felt trapped.  I thought, "What am I doing??!!"  So I went to Kwacha and begged him to take me back.  I woke up and was so relieved that I am married to him. 
Last night I had another one.  We were at this large camp.  My mom and Emily were there as well, and again, we weren't married yet.  I wasn't sure I should marry him and so numerous people convinced me to cut it off.  So I did.  I thought, "What was I thinking??!!"  I was so sad.  One day a group of us were walking in line (I'm guessing a lunch line?) and I saw Kwacha and asked if I could talk to him that night, he said "sure" but I couldn't wait so I said right there, "I didn't really want to break up with you." And he said, "Good, because I didn't want to break up with you."  Then after that, or maybe it was before, Kwacha was in a bad part of town and I was so scared that he was going to die, so for some reason, I went there myself and started standing in front of the bad guy's cars as they were driving down the street.  I don't know how it eneded, but again, when I woke up, I was so relieved! 

I'm guessing I keep having these dreams because I could have made the biggest mistake of my life and said "no" to Kwacha.  So thankful I didn't!

Happiness is...

...focusing on and thanking God for what He has given me already, not focusing on and complaining about what I don't have that I want. 

Colossians 3:15 "And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body.  And be thankful."

Psalm 69:30 "I will praise the name of God with a song; I will magnify Him with thanksgiving."

Psalm 100:4 "Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and His courts with praise!  Give thanks to Him; bless His name!"

Psalm 4:7 "You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and their wine abound."

and one more:

Psalm 16:11 "You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

Because of God's amazing love, we have so much to be thankful for!  Everything in fact.  :)

(Oh and on a more earthly level, looking at that picture above, happiness is sleeping in.  Yay for Saturday tomorrow!)

Mad About...

SINGLENESS!

Bet you never thought you would read THOSE words on my blog! :) But lately, it's so true! I'm really praying this isn't just a phase or a feeling, but a true conviction that will last. I actually think it might though. With the new year arriving one of the primary areas I want to grow in is contentment, so about two or three weeks ago I started reading a chapter on contentment in a book that was regifted to me. :) One I already had. But oh how thankful I am that it was given to me because it reminded me that I owned the book in the fist place. I think the title is Women Counseling Women.

Well, the chapter on contentment is SO GOOD! For years and years I have been told that singleness is a gift...and for years and years I secretly said in my heart a big, fatty "HA! yeah right." I'm truly saddened to realize how I did not believe God's Word that says that singlesness IS a gift because it's a time of undistracted devotion to the Lord. Here I've been wasting the last few years at least by allowing myself to be distracted by an unnecessary distraction! I'm not married! There's no reason to be distracted! :) I've spent so much time worrying when worrying accomplishes ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! And I haven't spent nearly as much time as I could have been JOYFULLY serving the Lord and delighting in Him.

The chapter talks about how women often look for joy, peace, comfort, hope, security, etc. in a husband. But those things cannot be found in a husband. Sure they might be to some extent. But what about when your husband sins agains you, (or you sin against him) or he loses his job, or he dies? Well then you're faced with the fact that joy, peace, comfort, hope and security are found in CHRIST ALONE.

All that to say, I would still like to be married someday, but if that's not what God has planned for me, I know there is contentment in Him. I just finally believe I agree that both are gifts; there are hardships and great joys in each.

So, here's to singleness! (Can I get any cheesier?) And here are my favorite pictures that came up when I typed "singleness" into Google:

Apparently singleness is throwing your hands up into the air and becoming one with nature...











Apparently singles are nerds who eat unhealthy food...







Don't give up and leave town if you're single, people!



Just trust in our ever loving God! :)