Blessed Assurance

I am writing this post today in hopes of it being helpful to someone out there.  
Anyone who knows me well, knows that in the past I greatly struggled with assurance of salvation.  I guess I should give a little background first.  When I was five, my best friend at the time told me that to become a Christian, I had to ask Jesus into my heart.  I even remember where we were standing.  It was after school got out and we were right outside the bookstore at Grace Community Church.  I had never known a time when I did not know who Jesus is.  I was attracted to everything I knew about Him.  Why would I not want to be a Christian?  Of course I prayed the prayer with her.  Was I saved at that time?  I don't know for sure.  I can't remember what I thought about sin.  I knew I was a sinner, I knew that Jesus died for sin on the cross, but I don't remember having an understanding of repentance and turning from that sin.  

I'm also not sure when I started doubting whether I was truly saved, but I think it may have been sometime in Junior High.  That's when I started having a "quiet time."  (Time reading the Bible and praying.)  I did this with a very legalistic mindset though.  I felt that I needed to spend some time reading the Bible and then I could watch TV the rest of the night.  It was mostly a duty to me, although in High School I know I started enjoying reading the Bible.  But I remember lying in my bed at night, wondering if I should tell my mom that I was scared to die.  "If I tell her", I thought, "she will be so upset to find out that I may not be a Christian."  I'm sure I said "the prayer" over and over.  

Well, fast forward to September 11, 2001.  My family was in Hawaii on vacation.  (The only time I've ever been to Hawaii.)  It was my senior year of High School.  I remember that morning that I spent some time in the Word and I sang a few hymns on the balcony of our hotel looking out at the water.  I felt pretty good about everything.  Then my dad got a call from his boss at work and he told us to turn on the TV.  The first thing I saw was the World Trade Center on fire with the words, "America Attacked."  To say it kind of killed our vacation is an understatement.  From that moment on I was TERRIFIED.  I did not want to get on a plane to go home for fear that terrorists would take over our plane as well!  (However unlikely that would have been.)  I was extremely afraid to die.  So what did that have to say about my salvation?  

For years after that I struggled.  I started doubting everything, including whether or not God existed.  I desperately wanted to believe that He did, but I just wasn't sure.  How could I be saved if I was doubting even God's existence?  Sometimes I couldn't eat.  I thought that if God determined from the beginning of time who would be saved, and He had decided not to save me, then what was the point in living?  Except I was terrified to die so suicide was definitely not an option.  I felt scared and trapped and deeply depressed.  Things only started turning around when I poured out my heart to God and spent time reading His Word.  

Can I say that I think every person raised in the church needs to deal with these questions at some point?  It's not enough to say that if we have Christian parents we are Christian's.  No one is born a believer, we are all born sinners, hating God and loving our own sin.  

I remember later on that year, my High School Bible study leader asked to hear my testimony and at the end he said, you didn't mention anything about your sin.  This sent me into waves of terror again, but it was a good question.  I knew I was a sinner but did I really understand that it was so awful that I was deserving hell because of it?  

In college I really wrestled with this concept of sin and a new worry was forming.  Was I sorry enough for my sin?  I rarely cried over my sin.  Did I hate it enough?  Did I really repent if I wasn't constantly in tears over it?  

I found this quote sometime in college and it's been in a notebook of mine ever since.  I read it in Saved Without a Doubt by John MacArthur.  The main quote is from Ironside.  I don't know his first name, I just have Ironside written down.  :)  It goes like this:

"Test yourself in this way.  You once lived in sin and loved it.  Do you now desire deliverance from it?  You were once self-confident and trusting in your own fancied goodness.  Do you now judge yourself as a sinner before God?  You once sought to hide from God and rebelled against His authority.  Do you now look up to Him, desiring to know Him, and to yield yourself to Him?  IF you can honestly say "yes" to these questions, you have repented...and remember, it is not the amount of repentance that counts; it is the fact that you turn from self to God that puts you in the place where His grace avails through Jesus Christ.  Strictly speaking, not one of us have ever repented enough.  None of us has realized the enormity of our guilt as God sees it.  But when we judge ourselves and trust the Savior whom He has provided we are saved through His merits.  As recipients of His lovingkindness, repentance will be deepened and will continue day by day, as we learn more and more of His infinite worth and our own unworthiness."  

And John added to that, "Do you see the impulses of the new nature in your life?  If so, that's indicative of salvation.  If God's will has become your highest joy, and submission to His lordship your greatest delight, you are indeed a child of God - no matter how strong the pull of sin."  

A few years later I was still struggling when I was at the Resolved conference. One night we sang "Rock of Ages" and it became one of my favorite hymns.  

Here are a couple of verses:

Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in Thee;
Let the water and the blood,
From Thy riven side which flowed,
Be of sin the double cure,
Cleanse me from its guilt and power.

Not the labors of my hands
Can fulfill Thy law's demands;
Could my zeal no respite know,
Could my tears forever flow,
All for sin could not atone;
Thou must save, and Thou alone. 

John MacArthur has another saying that I have always loved, "It's not perfection, but direction."  

These things were all helpful but I think the thing that really helped settle me was dwelling on God's love for me and what Jesus did on the cross.  I finally realized that good works did not come from trying really hard.  Good works can NEVER save you.  That's super comforting because we can never do enough good works.  God saved me by His grace alone.  He gave me faith in Him.  And because of that faith and that joy that comes from that knowledge, I am a new person.  I want to obey!  It's from the heart!  It's not perfect.  Go read Romans 7.  But that new heart is there!  

A recent joy has been studying 1 John at Every Woman's Grace.  This book, like no other, has deepened my assurance.  That's why it was written!  (1 John 5:13 - "I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life.")  A true believer believes that Jesus is the Son of God, they obey Him and they love others.  It's as simple as that.  Is that obedience and love perfect right now?  No, but it's there and growing and one day will be made perfect when we see Christ face to face!  

I love what Andrew Gutierrez (the previous High School pastor at GCC) would often say:
Something like, "When we are saved the rest of our life we live in obedience as a big 'thank you' back to God."

I'll end with "Blessed Assurance"

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! 
O what a foretaste of glory divine! 
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.

Refrain:
This is my story, this is my song,
praising my Savior all the day long;
this is my story, this is my song, 
praising my Savior all the day long.

Perfect submission, perfect delight,
visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
angels descending bring from above
echoes of mercy, whispers of love.

Perfect submission, all is at rest;
I in my Savior am happy and blest,
watching and waiting, looking above
filled with His goodness, lost in His love.

If you're reading this and you don't truly know God or you are doubting whether or not you do, please please please talk to someone who does know Him!  

One last thing.  (Okay I guess I didn't really end up there.)  I am so thankful for the body of Christ, the church.  God gives us fellow believers to comfort, strengthen, lovingly rebuke and encourage.  There are SO MANY people over the years that really helped me with all this and I feel like I have to mention them!  

My High School small group leader, Holly.  I must have driven her crazy with my constant questions and concerns, but she was so patient and loving.  Christen, one of my best friends growing up. My college roomie and High School friend, Melissa.  My college Bible study leader and his wife, Clint and Kim.    They had me over one night to their place and gave me many verses and helped me think through things and they talked with me other times too.  Heather.  She talked with me at a college retreat once and wrote me a super long email that I still have to this day somewhere. Beth, one of my Junior High teachers and later I had her in college too!  She talked with me in her office one day.  Glenna, Nicole and Mariejtie.  All three of them discipled me in and after college.  My pastors and the many helpful sermons they preached, John MacArthur and Rick Holland.  And most of all my parents and sister.  They put up with everything for years!  And they were so patient and loving and helpful all the way through.  There are so many others.  God used each of you in my life and I am so thankful. 

Home Life

Sometimes I have whole heaps of things to write about, but most often words just do not come.  I think it's because life is pretty routine.  I get up, spend a little quiet time on my own, then I wake up Shirley (except she's usually already awake).  The two of us eat breakfast, I do the dishes and clean the bedroom.  Then Shirley and I spend a little time together until she goes down for her nap.  I (sometimes) work out, take a shower, eat lunch, read a little, email a little, call anyone I need to...then I wake her up again (except she's usually already awake.)  I feed Shirley her lunch and let her run around while I clean something.  Pretty soon Kwacha is home (it's so nice that he gets home around 2).  He plays with Shirley while I start dinner.  We eat, sometimes go on a hike, sometimes read, sometimes go grocery shopping (since we have the one car).  Then we come home, feed Shirley her dinner, give her a bath, put her to bed and then spend time together talking or watching I Love Lucy.  It may get routine, but I generally love it.
When I feel some complaining in my heart coming on, mostly over dishes, I try to remind myself that I am married to a fantastic husband and I have a sweet little daughter.  That's why there are dishes in the sink.  Doing dishes is now a reminder of the blessings God has given me.  Blessings I don't deserve.
Still there are times I get anxious or impatient or worried about things, mostly future things, sometimes present things.  The worst part about being anxious is...being anxious.  And yet, God tells us we don't have to be!  I mean, isn't that amazing?  We can bring anything and everything to Him and He will take care of it.  I can't remember exactly how it goes but one of my favorite quotes from Elisabeth Elliot is something like, "Restlessness and impatience affect nothing but our joy and peace."  I love that.  It's just something I have been thinking about a lot lately.
This post is starting to feel random so I think I'll just end on some random things about life:

-I started attending Every Woman's Grace about a month ago.  It's been such a blessing.  I love the Bible studies we receive each week.  The questions are deep and applicable and they really help reveal sin that I need to repent of while reminding me of the character of God.  I love the fellowship with other moms and older, wise women.  I am so thankful that my friend, Michelle, is able to drive Shirley and me.  (And her daughter Lucy is about six months older than Shirley and super sweet.  The first week they held hands in the parking lot as we were walking to the car.  ::melt::)  If you are reading this and you aren't able to go, I would suggest printing the lessons off the Grace Church website.  Especially if you don't know what to study at the moment.

-Kwacha's sister, Jellita, is coming to visit a week from tomorrow!  She's never been to the US and she will be staying for two weeks.  We have all kinds of fun things planned but mostly I am excited to see Shirley interact with her Auntie.  She LOVED her when we visited Malawi.  I am also looking forward to extended time with her so I can get to know her better.  :)  Please pray for her flight!  It is a long way to travel solo!

-And if anyone is wondering about Shirley, she's her usual cheerful, spunky self.  She can make lots of animal noises now.  She also says, All done, Oh Boy! and Hi and Buh-bye.  She blows kisses and has started to say No! after I say no.  (We're working on that one.)  She's a little independent one but still very friendly and she fills our hearts with joy.

With daddy at the zoo.

New Year

New Year's Resolutions.  I'm finally talking about them in February.  Have you been asked if you made any yet?  I think I've been asked two or three times and I had to admit that I hadn't made any.  It seems like people are either passionately for them or aggressively against them.  I wouldn't say that I fit either of the extremes but I would tend toward the latter.  I'm not against making new year's resolutions by any means.  It's good to sit back and evaluate where you are at and where you'd like to be.

It's been discussed before but the main reason I typically don't make them is because after January I tend to forget about them.  The hype ends in February and you get back into the normal, daily routine of life.  

I found some statistics about new year's resolutions on the ole internet.  

45% of American's usually make them.

8% of American's are successful in achieving them.  

But, "People who explicitly make resolutions are 10 times more likely to attain their goals than people who don't explicitly make resolutions."

(All of my info was found from www.statisticbrain.com).

Why do we make resolutions at all?

Hopefully, for a believer, the ultimate purpose is to grow in godliness and glorify God.

So, I finally came up with one.  Just one.  I think one single resolution will help me actually attain it and put things in focus.  And it's a resolution that will help make all other pursuits possible and bring about real change and that is to be faithful in prayer.

I read a really helpful devotional by Elizabeth Elliot this morning about prayer.  I'll copy some of it here:

"'If you, bad as you are, know how to give your children what is good for them, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask Him?' (Matt. 7:11, NEB).  Are you often tempted as I am to doubt the effectiveness of prayer?  But Jesus prayed.  He told us to pray.  We can be sure that the answer will come, and it will be good...Prayer is a weapon.  Paul speaks of the 'weapons we wield' in 2 Cor. 10:4-5.  They are 'not merely human, but divinely potent to demolish strongholds' (NEB)...The Destroyer himself, [urges] me to quit using the weapon he fears so intensely."  

From Keep A Quiet Heart

Prayer is effective.  God is faithful to answer.  He tells us to pray.  And Satan fears it.  

I finished out the last few months of 2014 spending much more time in the Word but by the time my hour or so was up every morning before I needed to get Shirley out of bed, I hadn't spend more than about a minute or two praying to God.  This morning I decided to get out my journal and write down things to pray for using the old A.C.T.S. method (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication) and then I spend some time praying through those things. What a difference it makes spending time talking to our God!

It's actually been about a week since I started this post.  Things are still going well.  (I would hope so after only a week.)  Isn't it amazing that God wants to hear from us?  And that He actually listens to us and answers our prayer??  The God of the universe!  That in itself should convict us and lead us to prayer.  Do any of you readers out there have any little things that help you to be faithful in prayer?  I'd love to hear!

The Companionship of the Lord Himself

I don't really have anything in particular to write about today, except some random thoughts perhaps. Shirley is wonderful to me but there are other things in life besides Shirley.
Speaking of Shirley though, I do love her so much.  And I absolutely love my husband.  I have a few friends that can bring themselves to tears just thinking about loved ones dying.  I was never one of those girls until I got married.  Okay, I know this post is starting to get morbid but stay with me.  I know that worrying about what could happen is never productive.  What is the point in worrying about something that may not happen (and usually won't)?  As the Bible says, "sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matt. 6:34)  But I do sometimes wonder to myself how I would handle a really difficult trial like that.  I know that God's grace is great.  When my dad died I experienced the comfort of God through His Word and sweet friends.  He does give a peace that is beyond understanding.  But as hard as it was to say goodbye to my dad for now, in my mind I think it would be even harder to have to say goodbye to Kwacha or Shirley.  Could I handle it?  I think it comes down to this: Do I love God more than anyone or anything else?
That is an important question to ask myself.  I may not have to worry about Kwacha or Shirley dying today, but how is my life right now a living testimony that I love God more than either of them?  I'm not writing an answer to that right now.  I have to search my heart.  But the cool thing is, if I love God more than them, I am also going to love them in just the way that I should!  That is an extremely comforting thought.
I shared the following with a couple of friends recently who experienced the extremely difficult trial of miscarriage.  I can't empathize with them, but I definitely sympathize.  
It's a quote from Stepping Heavenward.  One of my favorite books. It's at a point in the book where an older lady who had lost most of her family is talking to a younger girl whose fiancé had just died.

Sometimes I find it a help, when dull and cramped in my devotions, to say to myself: Suppose Christ should now appear before you, and you could see Him as He appeared to His disciples on earth, what would you say to Him? This brings Him near, and I say what I would say if He were visibly present. I do the same when a new sorrow threatens me. I imagine my Redeemer as coming personally to say to me, 'For your sake I am a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; now for My sake give me this child, bear this burden, submit to this loss,' Can I refuse Him? Now, dear, He really has come to you in this way, and asked you to show your love to Him, your faith in Him, by giving Him the most precious of your treasures. If He were here at this moment, and offered to restore it to you, would you dare say, 'Yes, Lord, I know, far better than You do, what is good for him and good for me; I will have him return to me, whatever it may cost; in this world of uncertainties and disappointments I shall be sure of happiness in his society, and he will enjoy more here on earth with me than he could enjoy in the companionship of saints and angels and of The Lord Himself in Heaven,' Could you dare to say this?

I hope this may encourage you in whatever trial you may be facing.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. Romans 8:18

"The Love of Christ constraineth us." 2 Cor. 5:14

"How much you owe unto your Lord!  Has He ever done anything for you?  Has He forgiven your sins?  Has He covered you with a robe of righteousness?  Has He set your feet upon a rock?  Has He established your goings?  Has He prepared heaven for you?  Has He prepared you for heaven?  Has He written your name in His book of life?  Has He given you countless blessings?  Has He laid up for you a store of mercies, which eye has not seen nor ear heard?

  

Then do something for Jesus, which is worthy of His love.  Give not a mere wordy offering to a dying Redeemer.  How will you feel when your Master comes, if you have to confess that you did nothing for Him - but kept your love shut up, like a stagnant pool, not flowing forth to His work.  Out on such love as that!

What do men think of a love which never shows itself in action?  Why, they say, 'Open rebuke is better than secret love.'  Who will accept a love so weak - that it does not actuate you to a single deed of self-denial, of generosity, of heroism, or zeal!  Think how He has loved you, and given Himself for you!  Do you know the power of that love?  Then let it be like a rushing mighty wind to your soul - to sweep out the clouds of your worldliness, and clear away the mists of sin.  

'For Christ's sake' be this the tongue of fire that shall sit upon you; 'for Christ's sake' be this the divine rapture, the heavenly affection to bear you aloft from earth; the divine spirit that shall make you bold as lions and swift as eagles in your Lord's service.  Love should give wings to the feet of service, and strength to the arms of labor.

Fixed on God with a constancy that is not to be shaken, resolute to honor Him with a determination that is not to be turned aside, and pressing on with an ardor never to be wearied - let us manifest the constraints of love to Jesus.  May the divine loadstone draw us heavenward towards itself!"

-Spurgeon

Illustration

Last night Kwacha and I had some of our favorite younger people over - Alyssa, Parker and Reagan!  All three of them were in our wedding.  We found out that Parker's fave place to eat is Jimmy Dean's.  (Our friend, Lisa, said that this is why discipleship is important.  ;)  So for his belated birthday present, we took him and his sisters there for dinner and then they came over to our place for games and baking.  (Pumpkin cookies to be exact.)

After the baking, Reagan asked for some paper so she could draw.  Later on she asked for some tape so she could...tape.  When their mom came to pick them up she handed me a "package." 

 

Inside were some pictures and notes she made for us. 

After they left and Kwacha and I were just sitting on the couch, Kwacha started talking about Reagan's package and how sweet it is.  We know she made it for us because she loves us.  It's not perfect; the tape was sticking out, the pictures are simple, but we know the heart behind it and that's what made it sweet. 

Kwacha was saying that it's like us with God.  We seek to please Him in obedience, but it's not perfect.  Our righteousness is like filthy rags, but if we've put our trust in His Son and seek to honor Him, he sees our hearts.  It's a good test for me.  Am I doing what I do, seeking to honor Jesus because I love Him so much?  Or am I doing what I do to seek His favor, to try to earn something?

Reagan's pictures were mainly of fruit and butterflies and pizza, but she also drew something else.  I don't know if you can see it below.  It's right below the pizza.

 

I asked if Reagan wrote "donut".  (I assumed that's what "donet" meant.)  She said "No, it's 'done' with a cross."

I just liked how that summed up what Kwacha said last night.  And I didn't really think about it until this morning.  Jesus has already done it all on the cross.  Now we just get to obey Him in love.

 

And here's what Alyssa was doing while Reagan was drawing.

 

Taking pictures of my silly faces.

 

 

 

Seek Jesus!

C. H. Spurgeon*** August 23*** Love and Seek True Wisdom*** I love them that love me; and those that seek me early shall find me. (Proverbs 8:17) Wisdom loves her lovers and seeks her seekers. He is already wise who seeks to be wise, and he has almost found wisdom who diligently seeks her. What is true of wisdom in general is specially true of wisdom embodied in our Lord Jesus. Him we are to love and to seek, and in return we shall enjoy His love and find Himself. Our business is to seek Jesus early in life. Happy are the young whose morning is spent with Jesus! It is never too soon to seek the Lord Jesus. Early seekers make certain finders. We should seek Him early by diligence. Thriving tradesmen are early risers, and thriving saints seek Jesus eagerly. Those who find Jesus to their enrichment give their hearts to seeking Him. We must seek Him first, and thus earliest. Above all things Jesus. Jesus first and nothing else even as a bad second. The blessing is that He will be found. He reveals Himself more and more clearly to our search.... Happy men who seek One who, when He is found, remains with them forever, a treasure growingly precious to their hearts and understandings. Lord Jesus, I have found Thee; be found of me to an unutterable degree of joyous satisfaction.

God's Elect

I love the following excerpt from Spurgeon's devotional because it is so clear and concise.  I remember my own days of wrestling with this truth, and I have heard of so many who say they are not believer's because they know they are not chosen.  May it encourage you!

C. H. Spurgeon

---

"Knowing, brethren beloved, your election of God."—1 Thessalonians 1:4.

ANY persons want to know their election before they look to Christ, but they cannot learn it thus, it is only to be discovered by "looking unto Jesus." If you desire to ascertain your own election;—after the following manner, shall you assure your heart before God. Do you feel yourself to be a lost, guilty sinner? go straightway to the cross of Christ, and tell Jesus so, and tell Him that you have read in the Bible, "Him that cometh unto me, I will in no wise cast out." Tell Him that He has said, "This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners." Look to Jesus and believe on Him, and you shall make proof of your election directly, for so surely as thou believest, thou art elect. If you will give yourself wholly up to Christ and trust Him, then you are one of God's chosen ones; but if you stop and say, "I want to know first whether I am elect," you ask you know not what. Go to Jesus, be you never so guilty, just as you are. Leave all curious inquiry about election alone. Go straight to Christ and hide in His wounds, and you shall know your election. The assurance of the Holy Spirit shall be given to you, so that you shall be able to say, "I know whom I have believed, and I am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed to Him." Christ was at the everlasting council: He can tell you whether you were chosen or not; but you cannot find it out in any other way. Go and put your trust in Him, and His answer will be—"I have loved thee with an everlasting love, therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee." There will be no doubt about His having chosen you, when you have chosen Him. "Sons we are through God's election,
Who in Jesus Christ believe."

---

Today

I had a really long posting streak for a while there.

And then it just ... DIED.

I'm not promising anything different for those of you who have been waiting with bated breath.  HA.  just kidding.  (This blog has no comments for a reason.  Don't kid yourself Amanda.)

No but really, sometimes it is nice just for me to have an online journal of sorts to look back on and see some things that God has taught me, or brought me through.  He is so faithful.

I really drifted far away from the purpose I wanted this blog to have.  To recount God's faithfulness and to grow in thankfulness for who He is and what He does.

Not that blogging DIY projects and recipes is bad.  There is definitely a place for that.  It can be so helpful.  But this blog became way too much about ME.

Our days are numbered.  Life is about God. 

I was talking to a close friend (temporary family member) this morning and she was encouraging me that life should not look something like this, for example:

...where you're just trying to stick Jesus into the little cracks of other things that are taking up too much of your thoughts and attention.

 

But this:

 

Jesus is our life and all those other things fit in.  Of course we have to give them some attention, but in light of who Christ is.  They do not become the focus.

I don't know if that is helpful for you, but it really is for me.

This was brought up in light of a conversation about John 15 and what it means to abide in Christ.

I was reading somewhere else this weekend in The Practice of Godliness by Jerry Bridges, that to grow in godliness we need to have a:

 

fear of God

love for God

and desire for God

 

I certainly want those things to be true of me. 

 

This last quote was something that encouraged me today as I often find myself worrying about tomorrow.  It's from John MacArthur's book, Anxious for Nothing, which is actually free right now if you call in to Grace to You for your first time.



“Lack of joy is a sin for the child of God.  By worrying about tomorrow, many believers miss the victory God would give them today.  That is not fair to Him.  ‘This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it’ (Ps. 118:24 NIV).  God gives you the glorious gift of life today; live in the light and full joy of that day, using the resources God supplies.  Don’t push yourself into the future and forfeit the day’s joy over some tomorrow that may never happen.  Today is all you really have, for God permits none of us to live in tomorrow until it turns into today.” -JM

I hope these things can encourage you as they do me! 

Oxymoron?

I was reading John 13 earlier this week partly because Patti wanted it read at her memorial service (which was amazing and deserves its own post) and also because it's one of my favorite passages in the Bible. 
This time I was struck by verse 3 and the first part of verse 4.  Its says, "Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, rose from supper."
I don't have too much to say about it, but look at it!  Read it again.  Verse 3 says some amazing things about Jesus.  It point out His diety and it talks about where He came from and the place He was returning to shortly.  It tells us that Jesus is God and that everything belongs to Him!  My measly words can't even begin to explain it, my little mind can't even comprehend what that place is like. 
And then it says that He "rose from supper."  Such a mundane thing compared to the profound truth right before.  It's something you and I do every day.  We get up after we eat a meal. 
I don't know, it just reminded me again of the amazing truth that Jesus is God and man.  And that He became a man so that we can one day be with Him in that amazing place. 
So thankful!

Him hath God exalted

I read the excerpt below from Spurgeon's Morning by Morning and halfway through I started thinking about my dad and missing him. Just how I love my family still...but. It is not wholly complete without him. I just miss how we all interacted as a family. How we all joked around or had some our deeper meaningful conversations at the dinner table. I miss his counsel. But then I finished the Spurgeon devotional and I couldn't be sad anymore. He is in Heaven with Jesus and pretty soon we will be too. I can't wait!

"Him hath God exalted."

-Acts 5:31

Jesus, our Lord, once crucified, dead and buried, now sits upon the throne of glory. The highest place that heaven affords is his by undisputed right. It is sweet to remember that the exaltation of Christ in heaven is a representative exaltation. He is exalted at the Father's right hand, and though as Jehovah he has eminent glories, in which finite creatures cannot share, yet as the Mediator, the honors which Jesus wears in heaven are the heritage of all the saints. It is delightful to reflect how close is Christ's union with his people. We are actually one with him; we are. Members of his body; and his exaltation is our exaltation. He will give us to sit upon his throne, even as he has overcome, and is set down with his Father on his throne; he has a crown, and he gives us crowns too; he has a throne, but he is not content with having a throne to himself, on his right hand there must be his queen, arrayed in "gold of Ophir". He cannot be glorified without his bride. Look up, believer, to Jesus now; let the eye of your faith behold him with many crowns upon his head; and remember that you will one day be like him, when you shall see him as he is; you shall not be so great as he is, you shall not be so divine, but still you shall, in a measure, share the same honors, and enjoy the same happiness and the same dignity which he possesses. Be content to live unknown for a little while, and to walk your weary way through the fields of poverty, or up the hills of affliction; for by-and-by you shall reign with Christ, for he has "made us kings and priests unto God, and we shall reign forever and ever." Oh! Wonderful thought for the children of God! W have Christ for our glorious representative in heaven's courts now, and soon he will come and receive us to himself, to be with him there, to behold his glory, and to share his joy.

A litte quote...

What does your time in prayer look like?

I read a convicting quote recently.  My friend, Jessica, posted it.

"A man is what he is on his knees before God—and nothing more." - Robert Murray McCheyne

Ouch.

Robery Murray McCheyne is one of Andrew Gutierrez's (the high school pastor at GCC) favorite authors.  I haven't read anything by him but now I want to.

I have come to the realization that with the way my mind works these days, I have to write things down to focus.  People may scoff at the amount of notes I take on Sundays, but my primary purpose for that is that it helps me pay attention and stay focused.

The notebook above is a prayer journal that I was sharing with a friend for awhile, lately I've been using it to take notes, but now I am converting it back to a personal prayer journal.  I hope it helps me.  I so WANT to be faithful in prayer. I want to know that closeness with the Lord and peace that results from bringing everything to Him.

I want to see prayers answered, to have my faith grown, to bring other's needs to God and trust in His sovereignty.

Would you do me the honor of praying about this for me?  And ask me when you see me how it's going?

Thank you.

I need it.

Update: Andrew just sent this to the high school staff. Perfect timing!
http://desiringgod.org/resource-library/conference-messages/cultivating-private-prayer-as-a-pastor

A Reading Nook

One of my favorite things to do after a long day at work is to come home and read.

I like to sit on my bed, grab a pillow, lean against the window sill and ever so often look out at the pretty view.  Framed by my little plants.

Right now I'm trying to read through the Bible quickly.  I know a couple people, yes more than two, that have read the whole Bible in a month!

I don't know if I'll make it that fast...but I'd love to read it in maybe just 3 months.

It's so cool to see the different things God teaches you as you reread a passage you've read many times before.  His Word is living and active!

Hebrews 4:12 "For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart."

What are you reading right now?  I want to know!  :)

Happiness is...

...focusing on and thanking God for what He has given me already, not focusing on and complaining about what I don't have that I want. 

Colossians 3:15 "And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body.  And be thankful."

Psalm 69:30 "I will praise the name of God with a song; I will magnify Him with thanksgiving."

Psalm 100:4 "Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and His courts with praise!  Give thanks to Him; bless His name!"

Psalm 4:7 "You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and their wine abound."

and one more:

Psalm 16:11 "You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

Because of God's amazing love, we have so much to be thankful for!  Everything in fact.  :)

(Oh and on a more earthly level, looking at that picture above, happiness is sleeping in.  Yay for Saturday tomorrow!)

Life

The above picture is a shot of the plant in my room, from it's good side.  I am notorious for killing plants.  A green thumb I do not have.  But this one has managed to live for over a year!  A lady at work gave it to me last Christmas as a "Secret Sibling" gift.  I take unnecessary pride in this plant; unnecessary in the sense that I have really had nothing to do with keeping it alive.  I water it occasionally.  And I placed it near the window where it can get a little sun.  That's it. (1 Corinthians 3:7 - "So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth.")  And like I said before, this is it's good side.  The plant is not nearly as vibrant as it could be, because even though it's right near my bed and I see it every day, I still forget to water it. 

I find it fascinating (but I guess not all that surprising) how many things in creation are pictures of God and our relationship with Him.  The sun (and I've probably written about this before) is the center of the solar system.  The planets revolve around it and it is the source of light just like Christ is the center of our lives and He is the source of light: knowledge, holiness and glory.

In Proverbs, sluggards are told to go the ant and learn how to work.

Same goes for plants.  Psalm 1:2-3 says, "But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.  He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither.  In all that he does, he prospers."

If I forget to water my plant or open the shades it starts to die.  The plant needs that water and light!  Same goes with me.  If I don't drink God's Word each day and bask in His light, I start to smell of death.  Sin is right there.  But with some water and sun, with the Word, life is renewed!  It's amazing to see how well my little plant improves when I cut off the dead leaves and give it something to drink.  Same goes with the refreshment I receive from God's Word and time spent in prayer with Him!

2 Corinthians 4:6 "For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," has shown in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ."

So drink up friends!  Enjoy your day!

That time of year...

Resolutions?  Yes, no, maybe so?  Well when New Year's rolled around I felt that it was almost pointless to make resolutions since I find such difficulty in keeping them.  Plus the whole idea just sometimes seems a little....cheesy to me.  What has happened to me and the idea of cheesiness??  In the last couple years I have wanted as little to do with cheesiness as possible.  But I think I've gone to the other extreme. 

This last weekend we had high school winter camp.  The topic was the glory of God.  To bring God glory should be my utlimate goal and resolution, which I cannot do apart from Jesus and the Holy Spirit working in me. 
1 Corinthians 10:31 "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." 
Romans 11:33-36 "Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God!  How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways!  'For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been His counselor?' 'Or who has given a gift to Him that he might be repaid?' For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.  To Him be glory forever.  Amen."

Any resolutions I make this year should stem from this.  And it has become more and more clear to me in the last two weeks that I HAVE to make goals and plans in order to grow and truly bring God glory with my life.  If I don't plan anything it's not going to happen.  A friend asked me recently, "What are your plans for this year?"  And I didn't have much of an answer.  Lame!  The very next day I was reading a book that my wonderful boss gave me and the author was talking about the importance of setting goals to grow. 

So, at camp I decided that it might be a good idea to break up my day/areas in which I am involved and see in what ways I need to grow.  That may be a way to figure out some goals and plans to make. 
For me that looks like:
God
Family/Home
Work
Church/High School Group/Evangelism
Friends
Entertainment
Food
Sleep/Rest
Finances

Right off the top of my head I know that in my relationship with God I want to wake up at 5 every morning and spend time with Him in His Word and in prayer.  I want to read through the Bible this year, but faster than one year.  Maybe a few months or more.  I want to spend the majority of my time in the car praying to Him or singing to Him. 
With Family/Home I want to help my mom around the house more.  Be more involved with cleaning and cooking, etc. 
At Work I want to be focused on paying attention to what I am doing.  I want to make sure that I don't draw attention to myself at lunch by trying to be funny or whatever.  I want to take interest in other people.  I also want to take a couple of lunches every week to read. 
With Church/High School/Evangelism I want to faithfully pray for those on staff and the girls in my small group.  I want to choose a day or two in the week where I specifically plan to pray for them.  Same goes with missionaries and people I want to tell about Jesus.  To be realistic, I'd like to start off with telling someone the gospel at least once a month.  I know it should be more, but I want to start off with more than last year. 
With Friends I want to be more purposeful in our conversations.  To ask more faithfully how I can pray for them and then to actually do that! 
With Entertainment I want to be much more discerning in what I watch.  I want to ask myself, "Is what I'm watching glorifying to God?"  If I can't find any way in which it is, I shouldn't be watching it! 
With Food I need to come up with a plan for eating healthy and stick with it.  With the disease I have this is necessary and yet I forget that it is.  I would like to have self control in this area.  I'd also like to spend less in eating out.  In order to do this I really need to come up with how much I should spend a month and stick with it. 
With Sleep and Rest it's pretty simple.  I need to go to bed earlier!  I would like 6 or 7 hours of sleep a night.  If I get up at 5 that means I need to go to bed between 10 and 11.  That means I need to start going upstairs between 9:30 and 10 and that means getting off of FB by 10 for sure! 
And finally with Finances I need to make a budget and stick with that.

Well, again, those are plans that come to mind immediately.  I know that I could come up with more and probably other categories.  But this is a place to start.  It's also probably more than you wanted to know, but I am thankful to have a spot where I have recorded this and now you all can keep me accountable! 

So, what have you decided to do this year as far as resolutions?  What has helped you in the past?  I want to know readers!  Now is the time for you to finally comment!  har har...

God is Jealous

This convicted me the other morning. I highly recommend this book. Spurgeon's affection for Jesus was so evident!

September 12 - Morning by Morning - C.H. Spurgeon
"God is jealous." — Nahum 1:2

Your Lord is very jealous of your love, O believer. Did He choose you? He cannot bear that you should choose another. Did He buy you with His own blood? He cannot endure that you should think that you are your own, or that you belong to this world. He loved you with such a love that He would not stop in heaven without you; He would sooner die than you should perish, and He cannot endure that anything should stand between your heart's love and Himself. He is very jealous of your trust. He will not permit you to trust in an arm of flesh.

He cannot bear that you should hew out broken cisterns, when the overflowing fountain is always free to you. When we lean upon Him, He is glad, but when we transfer our dependence to another, when we rely upon our own wisdom, or the wisdom of a friend — worst of all, when we trust in any works of our own, He is displeased, and will chasten us that He may bring us to Himself. He is also very jealous of our company. There should be no one with whom we converse so much as with Jesus. To abide in Him only, this is true love; but to commune with the world, to find sufficient solace in our carnal comforts, to prefer even the society of our fellow Christians to secret intercourse with Him, this is grievous to our jealous Lord.

He would fain have us abide in Him, and enjoy constant fellowship with Himself; and many of the trials which He sends us are for the purpose of weaning our hearts from the creature, and fixing them more closely upon Himself. Let this jealousy which would keep us near to Christ be also a comfort to us, for if He loves us so much as to care thus about our love we may be sure that He will suffer nothing to harm us, and will protect us from all our enemies. Oh that we may have grace this day to keep our hearts in sacred chastity for our Beloved alone, with sacred jealousy shutting our eyes to all the fascinations of the world!

"Christ is All"

Valley of Vision prayer I read this morning:

O Lover to the uttermost,
May I read the meltings of Thy heart to me
in the manger of Thy birth,
in the garden of Thy agony,
in the cross of Thy suffering,
in the tomb of Thy resurrection,
in the heaven of Thy intercesssion.

Bold in this thought I defy my adversary,
tread down his temptations,
resist his schemings,
renounce the world,
am valiant for truth.

Deepen in me a sense of my holy relationship to Thee,
as spiritual bridegroom,
as Jehovah's fellow,
as sinners' Friend.

I think of Thy glory and my vileness,
Thy majesty and my meanness,
Thy beauty and my deformity,
Thy purity and my filthiness,
Thy righteousness and my iniquity.

Thou has loved me everlastingly, unchangeably,
may I love Thee as I am loved;
Thou hast given Thyself for me,
may I give myself to Thee.
Thou hast died for me,
may I live to Thee
in every moment of time,
in every movement of my mind,
in every pulse of my heart.

May I never dally with the world and its allurements,
but walk by Thy side,
listen to Thy voice,
be clothed with Thy grace,
and adorned with Thy righteousness.