On Becoming a Wife (Lessons I've Learned from my Husband)

You can hope and dream and pray and think (a little song is coming to mind) but I just don't think you can prepare enough for marriage.  There is something about being in the actual trenches that teaches you what you really need to know.  It reminds me of my days in the teaching credential program.  We learned lots of techniques and theories and they were all great and helpful.  But I had no idea what teaching was really like until I was up in front of that classroom with live children who all had real hearts and minds and...well...ants in their pants!  (You know what I mean.)

What I could not have anticipated was how much my husband would help me become a wife.  I'm not trying to diminish anything from my mom or other faithful women in my life.  Of course I learned much from their counsel and wisdom and still do.  But what can I say?  I married well, and I couldn't have imagined all that was in store for me just by marrying Kwacha.  

So over the next few weeks I'm going to cover a different skill or trait or whatever you want to call it that has started to improve in my life because of Kwacha.  Ultimately because of God since He works in Kwacha and in me and He gave Kwacha to me.  

The topics I will cover:

(Some are obviously more vital than others and the list below is in no particular order.)

1. Cleaning
2. Time Management
3. Discipline (Working Out and Eating Healthy)
4. Appearance
5. Getting Enough Sleep
6. Raising a Child
7. Cooking
8. Scheduling
9. Forgiveness
10. Love

So stay tuned.  If I have time during Shirley's next nap, I may post one today.  
Just a little p.s.  I am in no way trying to say that I am a great example in these areas or that I have learned all there is to know.  I mean, this should be obvious without me having to state it.  I just want to be helpful in the very few small things I have learned in my short time of being a wife.  

Thanks for reading! 

Mad About...

Kwacha!

My husband's reputation preceded him by 10,000 miles.  
Soon after we finished high school my best friend went to South Africa on a mission's trip.  While she was there she took lots of pictures and I remember sitting in her room at her parents house looking through them when she returned.  There was a short African guy in a lot of the pictures and she told me that he was really sweet and  spent a lot of time with their team.  In the mornings, she and another girl would go running and he would go along with them.  She said it was to make sure that they were safe.  
When I was first dating Kwacha I noticed that he and Christen were friends on Facebook.  When I told her that we were dating I asked her how she knew him and she told me that she had met him when she went to South Africa.  (He was there attending Christ Seminary.)  I only then realized that he was the guy in the pictures!
Who would have thought ten years later, that short African guy would be my husband?!
I didn't spend a lot of time in my teens and young 20's praying for my future husband.  But I did occasionally.  At least I hoped he was out there.  And he was.  Way out in Lilongwe, Malawi.  I don't think any of our friends would have thought to set the two of us up.  But God did!  I love that He is the ultimate matchmaker.  He knows what is best for us, and my best is definitely Kwacha.  


(The picture above is way blown out but I thought it was good at representing how out of all the people in the world, Kwacha is mine.  ;)

Just Three Things

At the young, tender age of five I knew that I wanted to get married and have kids one day.  I pretty much always had a "crush" after that.  So I did not think that dating and everything that comes along with it would be so difficult and confusing, as I've written about previously.

Nothing that I am now going to say will be new to you most likely, but I still hope it will be helpful.  Just because I'm married doesn't mean I have all the answers now, but it has given me a fresh perspective on what really matters.

Obviously it's important to marry someone you can have fun with!  This is a random stranger that decided to jump in the picture with us.  ;)

There are many things that I thought were SO important to look for in a potential spouse when I was still single.  But being married, I now realize that there are really only a few basic things that are really needful.  

1. A sincere love for God.

I know, I know this one is obvious, but how often have you thought, "Well he's a Christian so that's good enough."  Does he truly live out what he says he believes?  Does he lead you in meaningful conversations about the Lord, and not just because he should, but because he loves talking about Him?  Does his example encourage you to grow in your love for God as well?  

Kwacha's love for God was and is a daily example for me.

Before I was married I said that the top two things I was looking for in a guy were a love for God and a sense of humor.  Yes a love for God was important to me, but if I was honest, the sense of humor deal was really at the top of the list.  Because of that I almost let Kwacha go.  Big mistake!  For one thing, he IS funny.  Maybe a different funny than what I originally was looking for, but honestly he makes me laugh all the time.  The second thing is (and a few people told me this while Kwacha and I were dating) that you and your husband's senses of humor grow together so much.  It's weird but true!  The third thing is, it's just not that important.  When you face a big trial in life, say you lose a baby or a job or a home, are you going to want a husband who reminds you to trust God or someone who can make a whole room bust up in laughter?

And yes I know the two do not have to be mutually exclusive, but which one is MORE important?  Don't just write a guy off because he may not like The Office.  

On our honeymoon.  The forest above Palm Springs.

2. Humility and leadership.

I know those are two things but I put them together because they go hand in hand.  Kwacha is a joy to follow because he is humble.

I always thought I wanted to marry a really confident guy full of swagger and charm.  But hey guess what, the Bible says that charm is deceitful!  And really, it is.  Do you want to marry a guy who's charming now only to find out later that he's...not so charming?  Like maybe all he does when he's home is watch TV and play video games.  I'll tell you what's charming to me now; a husband who helps me chop veggies and clean dishes and change dirty diapers.  A husband who gets home and gives me a kiss and cuddles our little girl and talks to me about his day, willingly!  A husband who likes to go on walks and eat pizza at Topper's because it's affordable.  A husband who corrects me when I sin in the most gentle and encouraging way.  And Kwacha is confident in a humble way.  He knows he's a sinner saved by grace and loved and chosen by God.  And he would probably be upset to know that I'm writing all this stuff about him publicly!

The last day of our honeymoon.

3. Love for others.

I don't know why this wasn't something I thought about much before I was married, but it is so nice to be married to someone who loves my family and friends so much.  When I was first dating Kwacha, I mean like after the first date, I got a little worried one Sunday night that maybe he didn't really like me all that much because I thought he spent the night talking to my sister and friend more than me!  But it's just because he was genuinely interested in them as well.  He wanted to get to know my family and friends.  He even had my cousin, Jeremy, be one of the groomsmen in our wedding.  I love that he enjoys spending time with them!

Up in the Sequoias.

Nerds.

Um, P.S. I'm pregnant with Shirley in this picture.

And that's about it, folks.  That's my new list, looking back.  There are other things that are important.  I'd say that you should definitely be attracted to your husband.  I think you should have some similar interests.  But again, these things grow SO MUCH once you're married to a good one.  If you found a guy with those things I mentioned above, you're going to find yourself more and more attracted to him and when you spend a lot of time together many of his interests will magically become yours too.  I never thought I would enjoy watching soccer, of all things!

Please don't let superficial things bug you when you're dating!  Please please PLEASE!  If you find his laugh a little weird, or you're just not sure about that hair of his or maybe he's just a little shorter than what you imagined...some of those things are going to become your favorite things about him, if you let them.  I'm not kidding!

Besides what makes you so deserving of the perfect man?  So much of that stuff is just so selfish!

I've had nightmares in which I turned Kwacha down and regretted it so much!  I can't imagine my life without him now.

Please don't write a good guy off!

The "Forgotten" Pictures: Getting Ready

Okay, these are officially the last pictures that I am posting from my wedding.  Again, these were taken by Jessica Waymeyer.  Who is still in high school!  I'm telling you, so talented already!

Another talented friend, Brooke Johnson, did my makeup and a few other girls.  She's very talented too!

My mom and technology.  ;)

My beautiful sister.

Don't know what they're talking about here, but it looks serious.

I had always wanted one of these hangers one day, and a sweet girl in my small group, Lindsey Nardone, got one for me!

Yet another talented friend, Josh Rivas, fixing my hair.

The faithful sister with her bright nails came with.

Our last single sister walk.

And then I fixed her hair at home.

The only picture of my shoes that day!  :(

Sweet friends!

On our way out!

Illustration

Last night Kwacha and I had some of our favorite younger people over - Alyssa, Parker and Reagan!  All three of them were in our wedding.  We found out that Parker's fave place to eat is Jimmy Dean's.  (Our friend, Lisa, said that this is why discipleship is important.  ;)  So for his belated birthday present, we took him and his sisters there for dinner and then they came over to our place for games and baking.  (Pumpkin cookies to be exact.)

After the baking, Reagan asked for some paper so she could draw.  Later on she asked for some tape so she could...tape.  When their mom came to pick them up she handed me a "package." 

 

Inside were some pictures and notes she made for us. 

After they left and Kwacha and I were just sitting on the couch, Kwacha started talking about Reagan's package and how sweet it is.  We know she made it for us because she loves us.  It's not perfect; the tape was sticking out, the pictures are simple, but we know the heart behind it and that's what made it sweet. 

Kwacha was saying that it's like us with God.  We seek to please Him in obedience, but it's not perfect.  Our righteousness is like filthy rags, but if we've put our trust in His Son and seek to honor Him, he sees our hearts.  It's a good test for me.  Am I doing what I do, seeking to honor Jesus because I love Him so much?  Or am I doing what I do to seek His favor, to try to earn something?

Reagan's pictures were mainly of fruit and butterflies and pizza, but she also drew something else.  I don't know if you can see it below.  It's right below the pizza.

 

I asked if Reagan wrote "donut".  (I assumed that's what "donet" meant.)  She said "No, it's 'done' with a cross."

I just liked how that summed up what Kwacha said last night.  And I didn't really think about it until this morning.  Jesus has already done it all on the cross.  Now we just get to obey Him in love.

 

And here's what Alyssa was doing while Reagan was drawing.

 

Taking pictures of my silly faces.

 

 

 

Hubba Hubby

 

I've written a lot about the cute little peanut on the way lately, but nothing about my amazing husband.  (And I don't know about you, but I kinda think he looks like a model in the picture up there.)

 

 

I don't even know where to start in explaining to you the kind of man he is.  (Is it bad to brag about your husband?)

 

Anyway, I will just start with a list of things that I have come to love and appreciate about him.  Things I have discovered since we've been married.  Well, I'm sure I saw hints of some of these things before we were even married.

 

• He makes dinner for us when I'm tired.
• He helps me do the dishes.
• Sometimes he even helps me cook.
• He is a really good communicator.
• He helps keep me calm.  A couple of my friends in high school used to call me "Spaz." Not a nickname I appreciated at all, but if I'm being honest, it was true.  I still tend to spaz out if I see a bug in our apartment, or I drop a glass bowl, or I spill something all over the floor.  At other times my temper will come out and Kwacha is just really good at nipping it and reminding me why I DON'T NEED TO FREAK OUT!  (Except he never yells at me.)
• He never yells at me.
• He. doesn't. snore. Seriously!  Read that again!  I used to joke about how if someone ever proposed to me, before responding I would ask if they snore.  When I was younger and our family went on vacation and had to share a hotel room, my dad would snore and I...would cry.  Literally.  I also hate wearing ear plugs.  Seriously, why is God so kind to me.
• He makes sure I eat correctly.  Which is important with ulcerative colitis and gestational diabetes.  I don't always like it at the time, but in the long run I'm very thankful.
• He's affectionate.
• He prays for our daughter.
• He always prays for family/friends at dinner.
• He insists I call him if I ever get home late at night so that he can meet me outside before I get out of my car.
• He thinks and cares about other people. 
• He likes match-making as much as I do.  ;)
• He'll watch shows and movies I like.  Including some chick flicks. 
• He's a leader.  He is faithful to make sure we read together.  Right now it's Proverbs. 
• He seeks after wisdom.
• He is wise!
• He thinks before he speaks and acts.
• He carries the grocery bags, or anything remotely heavy, for me.

Okay, this is even easier than I thought it would be.  It's just flowing.  So I'll stop there for now.  But I can always make another list!  ;)

 

I love you, Kwacha!

Mad About...

Pregnancy!

You better not be thinking that my baby looks like an alien.  (Okay actually you totally can, because I sure think she does right now.)  A friend at work thought her face was her whole body, but that's actually her arms and belly below her face.  I know these things can be hard to decipher.

 

Can I just say that I l.o.v.e. LOVE being pregnant?  I kinda always thought I would but wasn't sure.  I mean -- throwing up, having no energy, gaining weight that can be hard to lose, not to mention the PAIN of CHILDBIRTH!! what's so great about that?  But seriously, so far I have loved every (pretty much) minute of it.

 

By the way, totally lied up there.  I have not always thought I would love it.  When I was a kid I was freaked out at the thought of giving birth.  I had seen enough movies at a young age of women giving birth.  No thanks.  Adoption for me!  I really did tell my mom that I would adopt when I grew up.

However, the older I grew and the more I understood what an amazing thing pregnancy is, I couldn't wait.  I mean, really folks, a tiny little person grows INSIDE of you!  They feed off you, they call your belly home, and they live in there for 9 months!  It's crazy!  Kwacha is just fascinated by the idea that a baby's safest place is it's mothers womb.  You'd think with where technology is today (and it is pretty amazing how they can keep 24 week old babies alive now), they might even do better outside.  But God has created the perfect little environment for these sweet little things.

 

The "profile" shot.  It's really not, the sonographer couldn't get a good profile shot, but I like how she's waving.  :)

 

I know I might feel a little differently in about 20 weeks when I'm not getting any sleep at night but right now I can't wait to meet her. 

 

Here's a full body shot, head on the left, legs on the right.  She's about the length of a banana here head to toe.

 

And, I'm sorry if anyone finds the following inappropriate but....

 

...proof she's a girl!

 

The sonographer told us that in ultrasound school her teacher taught them that when looking for gender, for a girl you look for a hamburger (three lines).  Well, there it is!

I am so thankful that God would allow us to become parents and I pray that she would continue to do well in there so that we can meet her!  His sovereignty is always wise and good, so matter what happens, I am so thankful for the experience He's given us so far!