At the young, tender age of five I knew that I wanted to get married and have kids one day. I pretty much always had a "crush" after that. So I did not think that dating and everything that comes along with it would be so difficult and confusing, as I've written about previously.
Nothing that I am now going to say will be new to you most likely, but I still hope it will be helpful. Just because I'm married doesn't mean I have all the answers now, but it has given me a fresh perspective on what really matters.
Obviously it's important to marry someone you can have fun with! This is a random stranger that decided to jump in the picture with us. ;)
There are many things that I thought were SO important to look for in a potential spouse when I was still single. But being married, I now realize that there are really only a few basic things that are really needful.
1. A sincere love for God.
I know, I know this one is obvious, but how often have you thought, "Well he's a Christian so that's good enough." Does he truly live out what he says he believes? Does he lead you in meaningful conversations about the Lord, and not just because he should, but because he loves talking about Him? Does his example encourage you to grow in your love for God as well?
Kwacha's love for God was and is a daily example for me.
Before I was married I said that the top two things I was looking for in a guy were a love for God and a sense of humor. Yes a love for God was important to me, but if I was honest, the sense of humor deal was really at the top of the list. Because of that I almost let Kwacha go. Big mistake! For one thing, he IS funny. Maybe a different funny than what I originally was looking for, but honestly he makes me laugh all the time. The second thing is (and a few people told me this while Kwacha and I were dating) that you and your husband's senses of humor grow together so much. It's weird but true! The third thing is, it's just not that important. When you face a big trial in life, say you lose a baby or a job or a home, are you going to want a husband who reminds you to trust God or someone who can make a whole room bust up in laughter?
And yes I know the two do not have to be mutually exclusive, but which one is MORE important? Don't just write a guy off because he may not like The Office.
On our honeymoon. The forest above Palm Springs.
2. Humility and leadership.
I know those are two things but I put them together because they go hand in hand. Kwacha is a joy to follow because he is humble.
I always thought I wanted to marry a really confident guy full of swagger and charm. But hey guess what, the Bible says that charm is deceitful! And really, it is. Do you want to marry a guy who's charming now only to find out later that he's...not so charming? Like maybe all he does when he's home is watch TV and play video games. I'll tell you what's charming to me now; a husband who helps me chop veggies and clean dishes and change dirty diapers. A husband who gets home and gives me a kiss and cuddles our little girl and talks to me about his day, willingly! A husband who likes to go on walks and eat pizza at Topper's because it's affordable. A husband who corrects me when I sin in the most gentle and encouraging way. And Kwacha is confident in a humble way. He knows he's a sinner saved by grace and loved and chosen by God. And he would probably be upset to know that I'm writing all this stuff about him publicly!
The last day of our honeymoon.
3. Love for others.
I don't know why this wasn't something I thought about much before I was married, but it is so nice to be married to someone who loves my family and friends so much. When I was first dating Kwacha, I mean like after the first date, I got a little worried one Sunday night that maybe he didn't really like me all that much because I thought he spent the night talking to my sister and friend more than me! But it's just because he was genuinely interested in them as well. He wanted to get to know my family and friends. He even had my cousin, Jeremy, be one of the groomsmen in our wedding. I love that he enjoys spending time with them!
Up in the Sequoias.
Nerds.
Um, P.S. I'm pregnant with Shirley in this picture.
And that's about it, folks. That's my new list, looking back. There are other things that are important. I'd say that you should definitely be attracted to your husband. I think you should have some similar interests. But again, these things grow SO MUCH once you're married to a good one. If you found a guy with those things I mentioned above, you're going to find yourself more and more attracted to him and when you spend a lot of time together many of his interests will magically become yours too. I never thought I would enjoy watching soccer, of all things!
Please don't let superficial things bug you when you're dating! Please please PLEASE! If you find his laugh a little weird, or you're just not sure about that hair of his or maybe he's just a little shorter than what you imagined...some of those things are going to become your favorite things about him, if you let them. I'm not kidding!
Besides what makes you so deserving of the perfect man? So much of that stuff is just so selfish!
I've had nightmares in which I turned Kwacha down and regretted it so much! I can't imagine my life without him now.
Please don't write a good guy off!
